Battle of the Birds: Orchid Cage

A couple of weeks ago, Mom came into the house shouting for us.  I thought she might have hurt herself or had gotten horrible news from the neighbors.

It was the birds.  She was sure it was a bulbul who'd done it.  The bird had snapped off a huge bud from the orchid plant she'd been nurturing and looking forward to watching bloom.

My brother, Dennis had made these orchid stands for Mom to raise her orchids several years ago.  Mom says the bulbuls like to bite the buds off, but don't actually eat them.  

I told Dennis his mother was very upset about the orchids and he would need to do something.  Art was busy working on the handrails at the time.

We could see that several of her plants were showing signs of budding so something needed to be done.

Art and I went to Home Depot and bought a big roll of plastic bird netting.

It was not easy to work with netting material that kept tangling but Dennis managed to  figure out a way to keep the birds out but allow Mom to water and fertilize them.

Dennis did just one set of the stands and we'll let that be the nursery.

In a few days these buds should bloom and I imagine we'll have a very happy mother on our hands.  I hope.

POSTSCRIPT:   

Here it is! 

Dealing With Death

When you're prepared for someone's passing, things seem to be in place.  The community comes together and family and friends seem to know what to do.  It's part of living to accept that there is a final farewell.

But when Death is not supposed to have come, when it swoops down and catches everybody without warning, we're suddenly caught not knowing what to do.

For my daughter and everyone who loved Karen, we didn't know what to do.  In Hawaii and Japan, there is the tradition of Koden which is sending money to the bereaved family to cover the funeral costs.  There are also visits to the family.

On the mainland, I've noticed that everyone brings food to the home and tries to help in easing the burden.

Tiffany has told me that the village will be setting up some kind of list for volunteers to bring over food.  Since we can't be there, Art and I sent a box of Hawaiian food for them to have in the days ahead.  Tiffany is walking their dogs and offering to drive or do whatever they need her to do.

I really like the idea of bringing food and friendship everyday to keep the bereaved family company.  Tiffany went over with another neighbor friend, but was a little nervous that they might be intruding.  Instead Karen's husband asked them to please stay because he didn't want to be alone at that time.  His children were flying in and everybody in the family were still in shock.  Tiffany talked to a friend who said people often stay away in times like this thinking they are intruding when the bereaved person might be needing their love and support the most.

Photo from Wikipedia

Tiffany researched how to broach this subject with 5 year old, KC.  She found something about how Sesame Street dealt with the death of Mr. Hooper.  They came right out and said he'd died and that Mr. Hooper would no longer be around, but they'd have their special memories of him.  This is what she told KC.

She explained that Karen had died and KC would no longer be able to see her, but she could always remember what a good friend she was.  Tiffany said KC still didn't seem to quite absorb it.

Later however, when Tif started to fall exhaustedly asleep in the back seat of the car where she sat with KC, my little granddaughter would not let her doze, pushing at her nervously every time her eyes closed.

Later Tiffany and my son-in-law, Ed brought KC over to Karen's house to pay their respects.  KC is usually very shy except with people she spends a lot of time with.  She saw Karen all the time and loved her, but not normally her husband who was usually at work.  It was therefore a huge surprise for Tiffany and my son-in-law when KC went to Karen's husband and gave him a long, hard hug.  I guess KC understood that this was one thing she could do to bring comfort.  I'm so proud of her.

Do you have advice for what to do at times like this?  What is the best thing to do to help families who are feeling completely devastated and not knowing how to cope?

Karen

I'm writing this just because I don't know what else to do with myself.  Art and I are both reeling from the shock and trying to come to terms with what's happened.

Karen, our dear friend and neighbor for more than 20 years in Illinois passed away of a sudden heart attack.  It's absolutely incomprehensible.  She is over 10 years younger than me and in much better physical condition.

Tiffany and KC had gone over and talked to Karen this morning to tell her about KC's first meeting with her kindergarten teacher. 

I remember when Karen and her husband moved in.  It was so much fun to see her in her wedding dress, entering her new home.  Karen told me she still remembered seeing Tiffany riding her little bike with her hair in pigtails.  Eventually, Karen became a contemporary of both the kids and us.  She could relate to anybody at their level.  And now Karen was a favorite "auntie" to KC.

Karen was sunshine and springtime, always cheerful, friendly and ready to help anybody who needed it.  We often saw her walking the dogs, blond ponytail swinging merrily and waving hello.   

Karen's husband came home from work and found her collapsed on the floor and the ambulance came immediately.

Tiffany called to tell me right away that Karen was taken to the hospital.  An hour later, Tif called again trying to control her voice so that KC would not hear.

"Mom..." she said.  I don't remember her words exactly.  I remember her trying to tell me without using the words, gone or died or passed away.  Those words would make it too real.

Our hearts are broken for Karen's family.  Our hearts are broken for ourselves.

"What will I tell KC?" asked Tiffany.  "She wants to know what happened to her 'Auntie' Karen."

"I don't know," I answered. 

I really don't.

Then There Are Those Weeks...

We spent a couple of these past weeks pretty busy with planning for our big Skyping Japan pot luck party and building the long handrail.  But this past week has been pretty calm and laid back with nothing much on our schedule.

Suddenly we looked at our schedule for this week and it's packed to the gills.  How did this happen?

Monday:  Zumba for me
Tuesday:  6 AM Farmers Market, Ophthalmologist appointment for mom in the city, take mom to visit her sister, Grace
Wednesday:  early morning blood test at Tripler, shopping at commissary for party,  dinner out with girlfriends
Thursday:  Tai chi, dinner party with my brother's family
Friday:  Art's breakfast with classmate,  Zumba, hair cut
Saturday:  Wedding reception in the city

This is Stephanie our wonderful Zumba Gold teacher.  We didn't have Zumba over the summer because there was a "Summer Fun" program for children on break using the recreation center.

It's nice to be back.  It's pretty amazing how quickly your body gets lazy.  The wonderful thing about it all was to see my Zumba friends again.  It was so lovely to be greeted with hugs and smiles of happiness at being back together again.

My body protested a little and we were all sweating by the end of the hour.   My back is much better now and pretty much back to normal. 

It's true.  Exercise is good!

Where Were You?

Neil Armstrong passed away two days ago.  He was the first person to land on the moon.  His famous words were, "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind."

We've been hearing a lot about what a very humble hero Mr. Armstrong was. 

According to Wikipedia, he was chosen to be the first man to walk on the moon because he was known to not have a big ego. 

The newscaster this evening said the historic moment when Mr. Armstrong stepped on the moon is something everybody remembers clearly.  They know where they were and what they were doing.

Art certainly does.  He says he was in the Air Force at the time and stationed in Manchester, New Hampshire.  He didn't have a TV so he had to go to a friend's house to see it.

Weird thing is... I remember watching them pull the lunar module out of the water, but the landing is foggy.  Sheesh!

I do, however remember with startling clarity where I was when President Kennedy and Bobby Kennedy were assassinated.

Do you remember where you were during the moon landing?

Meeting of the Moms

Art and I became engaged on New Year's Eve, 1972.  We went to the Big Island so I could meet his parents and they could see who their son was bringing into the family.

You couldn't help but to love them right away.  They welcomed me into the family right from the start and I felt easily at home.  It was the first time I'd traveled to the Big Island and I was shocked at how cold it could get there.

Soon Art's mom changed my name from Kay to Kay Dear.  I think a lot had to do with the fact that Art's sister is also named Kay.  She was Kay Ann and we still can't figure out why because that's not her middle name.

After we were married my parents took a trip to Honokaa so everybody could meet.  My mom felt it was very important that everybody should be a connected family.  Art's mom wasn't able to attend our wedding since she was confined to a wheelchair which made travel difficult at the time.

This scanned slide photo brought it all back for me.  We captured that first meeting of the moms.

Art's mom is to the left and mine is to the right.  My mom was only 44 at the time.  Art's mom was 57.  We were very lucky that everybody was so happy about our marriage.

Art's mom was able to write fluently in English and Japanese.  She kept up a steady correspondence with us throughout her life in English and also wrote to my mother in Japanese.  My mother was always touched and impressed by her beautiful letters.  Art's dad was still working at the restaurant and managing the theater so he was busy until he retired.  Sadly, he passed away just a few months after his retirement. 

Although it's been a chore to scan the photos and slides, it really is worth it.  I am discovering a lifetime of bloggable photos and a legacy of memories to pass down to our children.

Neither a Borrower Nor a Lender Be

Remember  this quote from Hamlet by William Shakespeare?

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."

I don't exactly believe this because we've often loaned our tools, books, cups of sugar, etc. to friends and neighbors and borrowed items as well.  It's worked out very well and promoted a friendly relationship.

While scanning a gazillion slides I came across these photos.  When we first arrived in Chicago in 1974, Art's friend from Hawaii was very kind to us.  We stayed with him for a few weeks until we found our own apartment. We took several trips together with our car since he didn't have one.

Eventually this friend decided to move to the West coast and asked to borrow our VW bug to run some errands.  We didn't have any qualms about doing so.

Imagine our shock when he returned our car this way.  When we pointed it out to him, he said he hadn't noticed it and that we probably gave it to him that way.

Ummmm...

We let it go.

We perhaps sort of forgave him.

We kept contact with him for years afterward with Christmas cards, but our relationship had changed.  Our opinion of him had changed.

Art banged the hood out, sanded and painted it.  Although Art was able to fix the damage on the car, that friendship was irreparably tarnished and would never be quite the same again.

POSTSCRIPT:  I just want to add that we've loaned our car and van out to quite a few friends since that time and everybody else has been very careful and returned our vehicles with a tank full of gas including our own children.

Handrail Project: Completed

We had Steve, our master carpenter make a very difficult handrail for us 4 years ago when we did the home renovation.  Hawaii has very strict codes for handrails. 

The rails have to be continuous and uninterrupted for the entire length of the stairs. Railings must be placed so that there is at least an inch and a half of space between the wall and the rail to allow for safe gripping, and they should be mounted between 34 and 38 inches above the stairs.  The ends of the railing must also turn back into the wall so clothing cannot snag on the ends.  All this made it a huge project.

Then I read Dianne's blog and realized that it would be a lot safer to have railings on both sides of the stairs.  When I mentioned it to Art, he said we'd have to call Steve to do it.  Then the wheels in his head started to turn.

He studied how Steve had done his railing and began to plan.

We went to Hardware Hawaii at Mapunapuna and bought a 12 foot length of 2x2 and 2x6 fir.  We also went to City Mill and bought eight hard to find 4 1/2 inch bolts.

Art made sure he located every stud on the wall so that the railing could support 200 pounds of weight as required.  He first attached the 2x2 to the wall on which he would be hanging the 2x6 and took precise measurements.
 

He cut a groove on one side of the 2x6 so that there would be an easy to grip hand hold and then used a router to round out all the edges.  Since he didn't have all of Steve's fancy tools, he had to make do with what he had which took more time.

Surprisingly, the fir lumber wasn't all that heavy.  The helper at Mapunapuna was very nice about allowing us to find the best piece of lumber for our project from the large stack that he had to sort through.  I can be so anal.

Here's the hard part.

Art had to puzzle together the end pieces so that they would turn back into the wall.

The top hand hold was glued and bolted to the wall.

And here's the puzzle piece to round out the other end.

Art gave me a small part to do so I could say I helped.

I stuck wood putty into all the bolt holes to make it one smooth surface.

Then there was a lot of sanding to smooth out any rough surfaces.

Then I primed the railing...

and gave it two coats of glossy gray paint.

It took 3 weeks, but I must say Art did a gorgeous job.  The thing is, it looks like it was always there and I have a feeling nobody would ever notice it.

I have to hand it to Art.  When he says he can do something... usually he can.

Aches and Pains

Good grief!  I'm in pain!

It started on Sunday morning.  I got up with pain that started at the base of my neck down the sides of spine to my shoulder blades.  I don't know what could have caused it.  I can sit and stand perfectly fine, but when I have to get up from a lying down position it hurts like the dickens.  Rolling over is a major accomplishment too!

I've taken Motrin (with food, of course), used a heating pad and resorted to... yes... yes... I know.  I'm turning into my mother... Salonpas (medicated plaster).  It doesn't cure it, but it does give it some relief.

This is the first time back pain has lasted this long.

Aggravation!

Lights of Love

As I continue my scanning project, I am awash with memories of times that passed so quickly.

It was winter and we were moving into our little suburban community in Illinois when we'd heard some rumblings that it at one time contained covenants that prohibited sale of homes to minorities.  Needless to say I was worried. 

However, once spring brightened the skies and sprouted leaves on the naked trees, neighbors came out to welcome us.  The neighbors across the street were The Colonel (who'd fought in WWII) and Mrs. M.   The Colonel was every bit what you'd imagined an army Colonel to be.  He was quite active in the politics and running of the community.  Mrs. M was active in the church.  And they ended up pretty much adopting us.  I think the Colonel liked the fact that Art was once an Air Force officer... even though it wasn't the army.

Tiffany, Art's Mom and Jonathan

When Art's mom came to visit during several summers, The Colonel and Mrs. M. treated her with kindness and warmth.

I think they were amazed at how Art's mom stayed so cheerful and loving with everybody despite the fact that she was crippled with rheumatoid arthritis and had survived breast cancer.  She'd even had one leg amputated, but her strength and spirit were unflagging.

new village lamp post

Since Mom couldn't go outside very much, she spent quite a bit of time watching the city work crews install street lights right alongside our driveway.  Mom thought it was great to have the street lights although some neighbors were against putting them in thinking it would take away from the small town look of our village.

The grand lighting of all the street lights in town was going to happen at the end of summer about a week after Mom's return to California where she lived with Art's sister.

The night before she was to leave, The Colonel stopped by and said to be sure Mom was outside that evening.

We went outside and waited to see what was going to happen.  Imagine our surprise when the street lights in just our little village came on!  The Colonel came over to tell us that he'd arranged it with his friend, a city councilman so that Mom could see the village lit up.  Neighbors poured out into the street confused by the premature street lighting.  It was beautiful.

It still makes me tear up to remember it.

POSTSCRIPT:  From the comments I'm seeing I realize that people are thinking Art's mom is still with us.  Mom passed away in the summer of 1986.  My children still remember the sadness of that loss, but cherish the memory of her spirit.

We lost the Colonel and Mrs. M soon after.

The Time of Your Life

I saw this Frazz cartoon in the Star Advertiser a while back and it made me think.

It would be tempting to say it's right now.  I'm retired, comfortable and back home in Hawaii where I grew up. I have friends here, but I don't see them enough.

There was another time.

We were in Illinois, living in a suburban community of under a hundred homes where everybody seemed to know everybody.  Most of the people around me had children about the same age as ours.  We were mostly stay at home moms.  My lifelong friends were Peggy, Rosa, Ann, Vera, Sally, Norma, Phyllis H, and though she didn't live in our village, Dina.  There were also friends Art met at work who we spent a lot of time with and also became our lifelong friends.  We also went on cross country trips with those friends.   There were casual parties all the time.  You had to just walk out your door and bump into friends.  It was a halcyon time before aches, pains, illnesses came into the picture.  It was a time before our children grew up and moved way.

OK... I can almost hear our daughter saying, "I didn't move away.  You did."

OK...  never mind.

There was also the time after this when I went back to teaching and found another kind of joy, friendship and satisfaction in working with children...

Time to get back to the present.  We have to make our own happiness in the present time and I'm working on it.

What time of your life do/did you like the best?

The Wonder of Skype

My cousin, Ricky and I had done everything humanly possible to get the Skype call established between Sendai and Hawaii.  Ricky works in China, but he went home to Sendai for the holidays to set up Skype at his mother's home in time for our Hawaii Cousins Party.  It was my dream to have the four sisters able to talk to each other face to face.

The Cousins Party had already been organized more than a month ago.  All the cousins brought their many special dishes.  We always plan for more than we need and everybody gets to bring home enough left overs for the following day's meal.  However, everybody outdid themselves on Saturday.

Auntie Grace made those sushi at the bottom which blew everybody away.  The sushi was made with hot dogs, and cucumbers in the center to form tulips.

There were crab casseroles, salsa and chips, macaroni salad, nishime, pumpkin soup, lumpia, chicken teriyaki, beef teriyaki sticks, shrimp tempura, noodles, kimpira gobo, peking duck, and tons of other food which I'm having a hard time recalling.  I was on edge trying to keep everything on schedule from the group photo, to dinner, to talking to everybody, to dessert, to Skype call, to making sure everybody got their take home containers to choose the food they would be bringing home...

Here's my nephew, Cody and brother, Dennis waiting in line to get their dinner.

Here I am with my amazing Uncle Toshi and the three sisters who really enjoyed all the amazing food.  Uncle Toshi is amazing himself.  Without glasses he's got 20/30 vision which Art says is better than his vision with glasses.  Uncle also has blood pressure and cholesterol levels that we probably had when we were five years old.  And he just happens to be  92 years old, or was it  93?

After our coco cream puffs, flan, chocolate haupia pie, chocolate banana pie, mochi desserts we went upstairs for the Skype video call.

My aunt was waiting in Sendai for the call.  It was 8 PM Saturday-Hawaiian time, 3 PM Sunday-Sendai time.

I was thrilled to see my cousin (Ricky's older brother) and his daughter also participating in the Skype call. 

Each sister introduced her family to their youngest sister.

The Internet connection wasn't the best.

There was occasional feedback which sometimes garbled speech and a grainy picture coming from their side, but it was still wonderful.

Cousins and their children were finally able to meet relatives they had never seen before.  Since our daughter, Tiffany and her husband, Ed had given Art a high definition, super duper computer video camera for Fathers Day, I'm hoping the relatives in Japan had a good picture coming from our end.

Then all the cousins went back downstairs and the four sisters could spend a little time together at last.

I'm so glad the party was a success and we could finally give the sisters a chance to be together again.  Ricky e-mailed me to tell me his mother was now comfortable with Skype.  In fact, he'll now be able to talk to his family when he's away on his business trips.

I'm feeling pretty happy right now.

Security Blanket

When my daughter was born, I made a soft flannel "blanket" to put under her head in the crib.  She grew very attached to it and carried it everywhere with her.  It's a good thing I made two so she'd still have a blanket when the dirty one was in the wash.

1976 Tiffany

Tiffany loved to nibble on the corners very daintily.

Then three years later, our son was born.  I decided to make even more flannel blankets so I'd be REALLY prepared.

Almost 3 year old Tiffany with Jonathan

I made Jon's blankets blue so that Tiffany would not get the blankets mixed up.

I always put Jon on the blue blanket in order to get him to imprint on it.  I didn't want him to imprint on a stuffed animal that would be hard to clean.

Unfortunately, even as a child, Jon did things his own way.  He didn't care for the nice blue blankets I'd lovingly made him.

He chose to latch onto the cloth diapers I used to shield my shoulders from drool when I burped him.  Those cloth diapers were never used for what they were intended.  I used disposables... feeling guilty as I did so.

On the other hand I had lots of these cloth diapers.

Unlike Tiffany's dainty nibbling Jon used to stuff whole wads of it into his mouth.  We had to unplug his mouth whenever he went to sleep.

When we asked our wonderful pediatrician-child psychologist, Dr. Cibul what to do he said we had a choice.  Either pay $2,000 for braces or much, much more than that on psychiatric services later in life.

KC and her nene blanket

When my granddaughter was born, Tiffany was all ready to design her own special security blanket for KC.  She made a bunch of spares and even some small ones for car rides or trips.

Tiffany got really creative and put these little ribbon tabs on them.

UN...fortunately, KC fell in love with just one or two of them that had a velvet ribbon on the corner.  The others just didn't have the same magic.

Poor Tif.  It was too difficult to undo what she'd sewn so carefully so that it wouldn't come apart.

KC is five years old now and still very attached to her blanket.  She calls it her "Nene (sleep) blanket" and still takes it to bed with her for comfort and peace.

Tiffany and blanket

Gosh...

I wonder where Tiffany's blanket is.  I'd love to  hold it one more time.

Did your children have a special toy or blanket they were attached to?

Scanning Slides

OK... I'm pretty much, any day now, almost done with scanning family photographs unless another album surfaces so I'm on to slides.  There were TWO big boxes of them in my closet.

I didn't take slide photos, but Art did...a lot!

I tried to organize them by years and then I labeled the boxes.

I found that most of the slides had dust particles or mold like dots on them.

The scanner can remove some of them, but not all.

This is just a few of them.

I managed to figure out how to scan slides on the Epson Perfection V500 scanner.

I did find that slide photos come out looking a little flat, sort of like a postcard.

(I also learned AFTER I scanned two years worth of slides that I should have been blowing the dust off the slides before I scanned them.)

Here's a scanned slide photo of Art and me in May of 1975 at the White House.  Tiffany would join our family in about 5 months. (I'm in the red and navy, striped t-shirt.)

And here's an old Niagara Falls slide from the same trip.  You can see where there's even more deterioration.  I'm glad I'm doing this now.  I don't know how quickly Hawaii's salt air will affect all the slides.

I'm afraid I haven't been able to visit everybody lately because the Cousins Party and scanning is taking up all my time.

My daughter asked what I'll do with my time when I'm done scanning.

Well... I'll have to add explanations to all the properties for each photo.  That will take a whole lot of time too.

What about after that?  Hmmmm... Maybe then I'll paint those doors I've been procrastinating over.