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Friday, September 21, 2012

Modern Thank Yous

Yes, I know I'm preaching to the choir (and have posted on this topic before), but I just saw this in the newspaper recently and had to post it.


I've adjusted my thinking and feel e-mail thank yous are fine... depending...  Text message thank yous are fine... depending...

But nothing?  That is not fine.

I've also received a couple of those thank yous where there's just a photo of the couple or the baby or whatever with just their names printed.  Once or twice, we've even been given the pre-printed thank you cards at the reception or party.

Puh leeeease....

What is becoming of us as a society that we no longer have the time for acknowledging a gift with written or e-mailed or texted words of appreciation.

Is it thoughtlessness?  Selfishness?  Apathy?  Rudeness?  Were they just not taught to be polite?

Sigh....
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37 comments:

  1. I put a printed, postage-paid, self addressed thank you note inside with the gift so the recipient can just stick it in the mail. This way I will know the gift was received. That is not true, just said it for fun. It is an idea though.

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    1. Ahhhh... This is another EXCELLENT idea. I love it.... for certain people (who shall remain nameless) that is.

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  2. I think it depends on what a person has been taught. It's true that some people feel they are outdated, but it sure is nice to receive one, so I think thank you notes should be sent whenever anybody has taken the time and expense to give a gift! Sheesh!

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  3. I think it's right to say thank you whenever someone has done something kind, whether it's a gift, a weekend visit, lunch or a kind deed. I'm happy to send and receive a card or an email. I'm not so sure about texts though, unless some real care has been taken and effort made. Sometimes even a phone call is the right thing to do. But I get irritated with nothing or the next best thing to nothing like the cards you've described.

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    1. Hmmm....let me take away texts as an acceptable method. I agree.

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  4. I still think written stamped thank yous should be sent for wedding presents and shower gifts. Went to a nice bridal shower where little envelopes were in a basket, and they asked us to put our individual address on one of the envelopes. It was one step to help the bride send written stamped thank you notes. I guess that was an okay step. But the couple still sent written stamped thank yous for the wedding gifts. I'm old-fashioned. DrumMajor

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    1. Hmmmm.... that's not all that horrible an idea. At least it insures some kind of acknowledgement. Good thing they didn't ask you to stamp it also. :-)

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  5. Hadn't heard of the "mass-produced" thank-you with a photo. Maybe that's used more for folks with Facebook. I'd be tempted to take a photograph of the gift I would have purchased for the couple or person instead of really buying the gift, and send them just the photo?!. Still old-fashioned. DrumMajor

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  6. you raise a good point here Kay. I think it's thoughtlessness, being spoiled whatever. Very sad.

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  7. too bad old fashioned is out of style, not everything new or modern is good!

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  8. I'm afraid the push to rid society of "middle class mores" has gone too far. This is a prime example.

    I think manners depend on the parents..perhaps. Some of my grandchildren send thank you notes, others don't. Some have the same parents. I sent my nephews money for birthdays and Christmas forever. After they grew up and left for college, I stopped sending the gifts, for which I never received a thank you note..well mostly. One nephew who is physically disabled always sent a note, God bless him.

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    1. There are certain "middle class mores" that are just plain common sense and shouldn't become outdated.

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  9. Point well taken, Kay. However, what do you do when you receive a gift from someone you loathe? I received a five dollar bill through the mail from an aunt I hated. The money was for my daughter, when she was little. After a delay, I finally telephoned her my thanks, but kept the call short. Ew, to this day I can't stand the thought of her.

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    1. I would send a nice thank you note. I've found that it's always better to take the high road just as you did.

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  10. I agree that nothing is not fine. My grandkids still send written thank-yous for Christmas and birthday gifts(with much prompting from their moms, I'm sure). I hope they keep it up when they get older. Sometimes they are very short and sweet. I recently got a note from my 7 yr old grandson that said, "Thank you for the bike helmet. It will keep my brain safe". That was enough for me.

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    1. My granddaughter has been sending thank notes since she was born. Granted, my daughter just made it seem that way. Nowadays, at 5 years of age, KC can copy out what she should be writing or sounding out. Yes, my children KNOW how I feel about expressing their appreciation.

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    2. It's a fonny ting---when I get a thank-you note from one of my grandchildren, the envelope has been addressed by my daughter. I wonder why?

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    3. Ha! Jeanie--when my nephew graduated from high school, his thank-you note was to this effect: "Dear Uncle and Auntie, Thank you for your generous check. It has enabled me to go surfing this summer!"

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  11. The generations that followed ours have a sense of entitlement. They feel that just because they got married, or graduated, or aged another year, the gifts they receive are what they are entitled to. We still haven't got a thank you for a wedding we attended in early July. And you're all right; getting a thank you pre-printed at the time you sign in at a wedding, or at a funeral (or whatever event you attend at which you give a gift or koden), is rude.

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    1. Sadly, my daughter does acknowledged the fact that her generation is not always holding to the belief that they need to send out their written appreciation.

      On the other hand, I have definitely gotten beautiful thank yous from many, many younger people. Unfortunately, it's often those few who don't who we remember.

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  12. I am currently in the midst of writing thank-you notes for things some people did when my wife passed away, especially giving money or gift, tangible gestures that must be acknowledged. I had a special card made up which I think is wonderful---my opinion. I'm amazed at how time-consuming it all is, as I write a little note on each one. However, I'm confident I'm doing the right thing and eventually it will be accomplished. The fact is I AM truly thankful, so it's a sincere gesture. I'm a strong believer in thank-you notes and DO notice when they are not forthcoming. I have a little bit of my mother's Irish "I'll never forget" in me, as the unthankful person goes down a notch in my estimation. I do remember. I definitely don't think I'm alone at that. Not that the unthankful ones would care at all, probably. I read recently in the same kind of advice column you cite that there is no statute of limitations on thank-you notes. I'm counting on that, as I feel my just getting around to it two months later is about the right timing, psychologically speaking for me. E-mail thanks don't cut it for me unless it's a low-level event way below the importance of a memorial service or, very definitely, a wedding.

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    1. I MOST certainly remember too and like you those non-appreciative people drop significantly in my estimation. And when there's another reason for giving, they will not find me so generous.

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  13. We have given monetary gifts to a few 'kids' when they got married, and received no thanks whatsoever. One was for a big chunk of change, too.

    Some people still do write us notes, though. In fact, more than don't.

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    1. None? That's terrible, Nan!!! Then again, I've had that happen too. Since Hank mentioned something about there being no statute of limitations on thank you notes, who knows? Maybe 20 years from now, the guilty ones will remember.

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  14. Has the world gotten so busy that saying thank you is not common courtesy? We once gave a $10 coupon card (to use after Christmas when you buy a gift card before Christmas) to the family behind us at Sizzlers and the husband was no smiles at all. Not then or later when we passed their table. Hmmm...in a way how rude to not seem appreciative. I just think it sometimes is the sign of the times.

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    1. This is very, very sad indeed. Pitifully, it might very well be a sign of the times.

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  16. a modern thank you is a laugh. Sad.

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  17. I believe in manners, too. En e-mail is fine if something came by mail. My son and girlfriend came for dinner and they left, tweeting as they were on the highway, as a thank you for Thanksgiving dinner.
    But if you are handed a gift, I figure you should handle a thank you card in return!

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  18. I am in complete agreement with you. Maybe we didn't all teach our children the arts of polite society. I may be guilty of that. But then nobody taught me either. I just assumed it was expected. And I know that I like thank yous so it makes sense that others do to.

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    1. In my case, because my mother couldn't write English very well, I had to write the thank you notes for the family. So, I guess you could say I was taught. I taught my children and now I see my daughter really doing a good job of passing on good manners.

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  19. Yes, my mother would be horrified, but email thank you's are wonderful and immediate. :)

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