Have we become a less gracious society? Lin wrote a blog post called Manners and Courtesy on this topic and it got me thinking... again. As I write this Art said, "You do realize you're preaching to the choir?" And yes, I know I've written about this topic before, but heck! It bears repeating.
When I mentioned to my daughter about people who don't write thank you notes for gifts she said, "Mom, I'm sorry to tell you but many in my generation don't send thank you notes." She went on to say she's been rather not so thrilled about spending a lot of time, effort and expense to get a gift and not receive any sort of acknowledgement. These days, even an e-mail would be nice.
I went to extreme effort to make sure my kids wrote thank you notes. There were times in one of my children's life where I even got the cards, made the thank you list with addresses and provided the stamps to make sure gift givers were sent appropriate letters of appreciation.
Simple courtesies once ordinary and appreciated seem to be dwindling in
many aspects of society. When you let someone into traffic in Hawaii
you'll often get the shaka sign or a wave. Sometimes, you get nothing... especially if they're on their cellphone.
I've held the door open for people going into stores and not even gotten a look. On some occasions they will smile appreciatively and say, "Thank you." Obliviousness to a helpful stranger isn't just in the U.S. My daughter and son-in-law were in Singapore on business and they said they were shocked at how rude many people were in public.
Lin closed her post saying we can turn this around by setting an example. Perhaps this is true. If we all started making a determined effort to demonstrate politeness, maybe... maybe things can change.
I think a lot hinges on what parents are teaching their children these days. My granddaughter, KC has been writing thank notes when she could hardly hold a pencil.
If you held the door open for her she might say, "Thank you."
And if she doesn't, don't worry. We're working on it.
When I mentioned to my daughter about people who don't write thank you notes for gifts she said, "Mom, I'm sorry to tell you but many in my generation don't send thank you notes." She went on to say she's been rather not so thrilled about spending a lot of time, effort and expense to get a gift and not receive any sort of acknowledgement. These days, even an e-mail would be nice.
I went to extreme effort to make sure my kids wrote thank you notes. There were times in one of my children's life where I even got the cards, made the thank you list with addresses and provided the stamps to make sure gift givers were sent appropriate letters of appreciation.
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| Photo from Wikipedia |
I've held the door open for people going into stores and not even gotten a look. On some occasions they will smile appreciatively and say, "Thank you." Obliviousness to a helpful stranger isn't just in the U.S. My daughter and son-in-law were in Singapore on business and they said they were shocked at how rude many people were in public.
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| KC at the desk |
Lin closed her post saying we can turn this around by setting an example. Perhaps this is true. If we all started making a determined effort to demonstrate politeness, maybe... maybe things can change.
I think a lot hinges on what parents are teaching their children these days. My granddaughter, KC has been writing thank notes when she could hardly hold a pencil.
If you held the door open for her she might say, "Thank you."
And if she doesn't, don't worry. We're working on it.
I am with you on this, Kay.
ReplyDeleteMy son's girlfriend sent a tweet thanking us for providing her dinner.
I'm sure that if we model it those who will do so will also exhibit the same behaviours. The rest make me sad.
Cheers from Cottage Country!
Interesting, reading about the shaka sign. There should be an emoticon for it.
ReplyDeleteCute picture of KC writing.
In preschool Israeli kids are taught the three "magic words" -- thank you, please, and excuse me/sorry.
I agree .Slowly Indian way of greeting 'Namaste' is being replaced by Hi .I have had home - guests who never call once they leave after spending weeks with us until it is time for them to visit us once again the next year.But again my neighbor's nine year old offered to help me with my bags this afternoon .
ReplyDeleteThat picture of KC is so cute :)
My grandkids have all been taught to write thank you notes for gifts which I am glad about. I agree in society in general people are less cordial to one another than they used to be.
ReplyDeleteThank you notes have definitely gone the way of the dinosaur... but a simple phone call or acknowledgment of the deed is still expected, don't you think?
ReplyDeleteI usually get a nice "thank you" when I hold the door open for someone. If I had a great time visiting with some friends, I'll send an email thanking them for their hospitality, but I would feel a bit strange writing them a thank you note. Is it just me?
Thank you note day was a ritual when I was little. Mom kept us captive till they were finished.
ReplyDeleteCan't remember the last one I have received as an adult.
I still send thank you notes and get annoyed at those who don't. I send gifts to my grandsons every year and don't get so much as a thank you call from their parents. I can't afford much so they don't get anything lavish but it is a sacrifice for me and I know my son was brought up better than that and I'm pretty sure my daughter-in-law was, too.
ReplyDeleteFrankly, I keep sending
thank you notes -- just because I can.
I do agree with you and I'm amazed at how little gratitude that many people show these days. It's another sad sign of our times I'm afraid. Great post as always, Kay. Hope your countdown week to the holidays is going well. Wishing your and your wonderful family a joyous and Merry Christmas!
ReplyDeleteSylvia
thanks for responding to my post with a thoughtful post. My hubby and I had a conversation this morning about who should be teaching the children and he decided it should be the wise ones in our society. The grandparents although I pointed out that we are older, tired-er is that a word? I had so much more energy and patience when I was a working mom than now as a grandmother. But we all teach by our example!
ReplyDeleteI got a lovely thank you note last week from an older friend who was a guest at our luncheon on Thursday. It made me remember why I like notes so much, and why I still write them. My kids are not great at thank you's, much like the rest of their generation. So I'm going to start working on my grandkids.
ReplyDeleteWith my cramp and pain in my right hand, I can barely write the grocery list much less a thank you card. So, I either call on the phone or send an email. Hope that suffices.
ReplyDeleteI was in dispair about the "younger" generation until I went back to college. I must look decrepit, because the kids open doors for me and are very kind. So kind it is almost embarrassing. at times.
ReplyDeleteI had forgotten that lovely Hawaiian handshake. Thanks for the reminder. Dianne
It is sad to see the values we were taught seem to have been run over by the train of "progress". I don't do tweets, but I do like to get cards, so I do cards. It is worth teaching manners and trying to set a good example even if it doesn't always stick immediately.
ReplyDeleteKay you are exactly right! I live in the Southeast and some of the schools here have manner classes. I think they all should have it!!
ReplyDeleteI remember one of the last thank-you notes I received from a youngster. It must have been about 30 years ago, or close to that. My brother and his family were living in Toronto and I sent Christmas presents to their boys who were under 10 then. I got thank you notes from both of them, and one said "thank you for the trance formers" which cracked me right up and I've never forgotten it.
ReplyDeleteHard to believe those transformer toys have been around that long.
I love the photo of KC at the desk. She's wonderful, just like her grandmother!
Luv, K
Kay, I agree with you on this! Many times, I would appreciate a 'thank you' myself! It's something so small that means a lot.
ReplyDeletethey tip well when you hold the door open for them, lol. That "rude in Singapore" is simply how people are in that region of the world. They have it down to a science. Your daughter and son-in-law shouldn't take it personally.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I just had this same conversation today. We were saying that it is just plain hard to find any civility anymore.
ReplyDeleteI try not to gripe about this, but you would be amazed at the numbers of people, and not just young people, who have stayed at our house and been treated very well who have not so much as said "Thank you." I decided that it was because they were not grateful and so did not feel they had to thank us, as if the pleasure of their wonderful company should be enough of a treat for us. Relatives are particular offenders this way. Another big gripe to me are business colleagues and families who don't feel they have to thank me for all the extra work of having them around, because it's "business."
ReplyDeleteJust doing the wifie thing, you know.
If guests only understood how much their esteem rises in the eyes of their hosts when they write thank you notes, they would always take the time to put down a few thoughtful remarks on a nice card and send them off.
I have mixed feelings about "thank you's". It is not sent with a very joyful spirit if someone is cracking a whip behind you to make it happen. A verbal "thank you" or even an email "thank you" is fine with me. One of my friends refused to make her children say "thank you". She said when they feel it they will say it. I was raised in a family of writing notes and my spouses family says, "You don't have to send notes because we're family."
ReplyDeleteLots of opinions. Good topic.
Oft I am accosted with the word "Hey". I have difficulty with this, as I'd have been spanked as a child for ever being so rude to someone.
ReplyDeleteShopkeepers would on occasion stand mute behind the counter, refusing to serve children until they used the word "please". Upon which the shopkeeper would transform from an indifferent statue to an hospitable merchant.
Haven't seen that for a while!
Guilty. I've only learned in recent years that people should do this. Somehow I missed this lesson of graciousness. Thanks for the slap! I need to be better about this!
ReplyDeletePerhaps it's because I have been fortunate enough to be able to hug people and thank them in person. I guess I'm the beginning of that generation that missed this boat. Sigh. Bad girl! ;)