After taking the Alaskan trip and having guests for a week two days after returning, Art and I found ourselves having to deal with the stress. Keeping cheerful through any problem that arose and trying to make the trip happy for everyone and then coming home and needing to be on call 24/7 to help our guests added stress for Art and me.
We kept smiling (even if our teeth were gritted) through every hurdle no matter how tired we were. It wasn't easy. It did stress our marriage.
And yes, marriages can be stressed no matter how long you've been married. We found ourselves sniping at each other which we normally don't do. We know each other so well that every lift of the eye brow, every tight inflection in a remark had us building strained feelings toward each other.
I had to keep analyzing what we were going through. We reminded ourselves that we just needed to ease up and smile...smile...smile.
Once our guests left, everything did ease. We could smile more easily at each other. We could laugh more honestly and then we could talk about what we went through.
Art and I talked about how we just went through 20 days of high responsibility and not a whole lot of sleep. Can you imagine what people go through when there's so MANY more bad things going on? It could be poverty, problems with children, illness. Anything could happen.
This made me realize that we have to be more ready in the future to figure out how to deal with these difficult times in life. We can't just let a river of rushing waters tumble us along. We've got to find a way to get to a shore.
It was something for us to think about. I'm just grateful that we're able to talk these things through.
We're also getting a lot more sleep. And this is good.
We kept smiling (even if our teeth were gritted) through every hurdle no matter how tired we were. It wasn't easy. It did stress our marriage.
And yes, marriages can be stressed no matter how long you've been married. We found ourselves sniping at each other which we normally don't do. We know each other so well that every lift of the eye brow, every tight inflection in a remark had us building strained feelings toward each other.
I had to keep analyzing what we were going through. We reminded ourselves that we just needed to ease up and smile...smile...smile.
Once our guests left, everything did ease. We could smile more easily at each other. We could laugh more honestly and then we could talk about what we went through.
Art and I talked about how we just went through 20 days of high responsibility and not a whole lot of sleep. Can you imagine what people go through when there's so MANY more bad things going on? It could be poverty, problems with children, illness. Anything could happen.
This made me realize that we have to be more ready in the future to figure out how to deal with these difficult times in life. We can't just let a river of rushing waters tumble us along. We've got to find a way to get to a shore.
It was something for us to think about. I'm just grateful that we're able to talk these things through.
We're also getting a lot more sleep. And this is good.
Well articulated, Kay. Your gift, and Art's, of being able to talk things out makes you peacemakers.
ReplyDeleteI can understand your stress and I'm glad you were able to discuss it with each other. Time together, alone, is a great cure - and sleep - lots of it!
ReplyDeleteI feared, from reading your trip journal, that you were finding it a bit stressful. It's hard to be responsible for elderly relatives and to try to ensure that things go well for them. I do hope that you're now able to take some time for yourselves and get some equilibrium back.
ReplyDeleteI think you're amazing! That was a really tough patch, and when your partner and you get out of synch, it makes it even harder. Glad you can talk about these things and clear the air. We do that too, it really is great to be able to talk!
ReplyDeleteget some good rest Kay and Art, it must be normal to have some stress at times, glad you made it through.
ReplyDeleteI find writing about stressful things helps me let off steam...hope you can unwind and rest up!
ReplyDeleteI really understand. My cruise was with my mother and two oldest granddaughters (80, 7, and 9 respectively). It was difficult to try and organize activities and keep everyone on schedule and happy. And ultimately I was responsible. Fortunately, I didn't come home to house guests like you did.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed taking the cruise vicariously with you. Relax now and breathe.
Even writing this blog and keeping it up daily must be a big stress...I have often marveled at your ability to keep giving your time and attention to everything and everyone around you...so take it easy sometimes, and do something nice for yourself too.
ReplyDeleteL.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....Blessings...
ReplyDeleteseems it was a good learning experience. I am surprised you both offered to hosts friends when you just got back from your own trip jetlagged and tired. Sounds though like you and Art got a pretty good handle on things.
Have a great week
Rhapsody
http://www.nigerianscorpio.com/
Besides being together so much, you both need time apart. Which is why I am glad David still goes to work and to the gym. I like being alone and appreciate him more when he is home.
ReplyDeletewhat a refreshing outlook, I think youtwo now need a little time away, a vaca from the vaca,you time,,itsso very truewhat you have just wrote,, its amazing how we let stress ties us in knots,, tightening us up without us even realizing,, time to loosen those tight knots and relax,,
ReplyDeleteWhat I love about you and Art is your instinctive communication. Yes, I understand how stressed you must have felt when guests arrived, and stayed, but you and Art have the same objective in mind now, to get things back to normal.
ReplyDeleteLots of rest, a few mindless, stressless chores, some enjoyable exercise, and I know you'll be back to your normal happy selves.
Luv — K
Kay, Alberta, Canada
An Unfittie's Guide to Adventurous Travel
I could do thing like that when I was younger, but not now. Returning home from a cruise then inviting family in doesn't work for me. It would be far more than stress here. It's taken me years to learn to say no. Hugs to ya.
ReplyDeleteI think it is great what you do, even if it does stress you out. Your mom and aunt are so lucky to have you in their lives.
ReplyDeleteNow you can kick back and take some "me" time.
Guests are stressful. My kids stay in hotels when they come to town. It makes life easier for everyone. If my son comes without his family he can stay with us, but I can't take small children in big doses anymore. Dianne
ReplyDeleteI think its wonderful that you and Art can communicate through anything..and know that you have each other's support. You are amazing to do all that you do, and especially the traveling with family members. I hope you and Art gets some "couples time" together.
ReplyDeleteThis is a brilliant and honest post that will help EVERYONE who reads it!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kay. We've been moving as you know, so stress? No thanks, already have some. LOL :-)
But we're in a NEW place & NEW lifestyle!
Do YOU know WHO I am? WHERE I live?
I'm not quite sure.
but boat Kitty is happy and so are we.
Stop by to see the view-
Aloha from Waikiki;
Comfort Spiral
> < } } ( ° >
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I was quite amazed that family would just "drop in" on you for a week, and you were willing to host them.
ReplyDeleteI suppose I would have ended up doing the same thing, but I too would have been stressed, and yes, that can mean sniping at my husband.
But you did it. You saw it all through, and gave others a wonderful experience. You must feel good about that. Now it's time to give to yourselves. Just be selfish for a while and do just want YOU want to do.
I never understood why guests could not inform their appointed 'hosts' at least a month in advance of their arrival. Moreso in consideration that you're both 60-years-young. People don't realize that traffic on the island doesn't ease up until 9am then starts back up by 2pm and it takes an hour to drive the same distance that use to take 20-minutes, chauffeur or not. I bet you haven't unpacked yet.
ReplyDeleteJust traveling can be stressful, and with the addition of other people the stress increases. And having other people in the house can be stressful, so you two had a double whammy. People are exhausting. That's all there is to it. No matter how much you care for them, the emotions floating around are tiring.
ReplyDeleteIt can get very hairy being on top of it for any length of time can bring on stress very fast. Glad you were able to cope. Hope your week is going great.
ReplyDeleteOh what a lovely post Kay and a good reminder for us all. It would have been very stressful for you both and its great you got through it and cam smile about it too. to have visitors on top of returning from the cruise would have been difficult. But you are right we never know what is around the corner and we all need to deal with the tough times. One thing my father said to me was that the tough times always pass, and they do in time.
ReplyDelete