While out to dinner with friends who were keeping me company while Art was away, we got to talking about wedding customs. Their son had gotten married to somebody from the mainland. It was disconcerting to them that all the bride and groom's attendants had to pay for their own clothes, shoes, whatnots.
In Hawaii, the bride's family normally pays for it unless the bride and groom have their own money or if the groom's family would be kind enough to pay for half or whatever portion they'd like to pay. Then again, I'm not sure what the current Hawaii custom is.
It was surprising to Art and me also that on the mainland, the attendants all pay for their own clothes that the bride chooses. It must get awfully expensive if you have a lot of close friends who ask you to be in their wedding party. Tiffany's attendants all paid for their own garments. She was able to have twice the attendants we had, not to mention two flower girls.
Granted her wedding cost a lot more than ours did and Art paid for ours. I think our entire bill was about $1,200, but that was 38 years ago.
Even by the way-back-then standards, our wedding was very inexpensive. My dress came from J.C. Penny's. Flowers were brought over by a Big Island friend. The attendants' gowns were sewn by... either me or the attendants. I can't remember. The buffet banquet for the 225 guests in the basement of the temple was catered in for $600 and it was great food, mainly because the caterer made a mistake and brought the wrong selections. They said it was their mistake and insisted on "eating" the cost.
I guess all this would explain why you generally don't have weddings in Hawaii with 20 attendants like I've seen on the mainland. That always boggled my mind.
Actually it really isn't how expensive your wedding was, or how many attendants you had that determines the success of your marriage, but that would be a whole 'nother post.
In Hawaii, the bride's family normally pays for it unless the bride and groom have their own money or if the groom's family would be kind enough to pay for half or whatever portion they'd like to pay. Then again, I'm not sure what the current Hawaii custom is.
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| Tiffany and Ed's wedding |
Granted her wedding cost a lot more than ours did and Art paid for ours. I think our entire bill was about $1,200, but that was 38 years ago.
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| Our 1973 wedding |
Even by the way-back-then standards, our wedding was very inexpensive. My dress came from J.C. Penny's. Flowers were brought over by a Big Island friend. The attendants' gowns were sewn by... either me or the attendants. I can't remember. The buffet banquet for the 225 guests in the basement of the temple was catered in for $600 and it was great food, mainly because the caterer made a mistake and brought the wrong selections. They said it was their mistake and insisted on "eating" the cost.
I guess all this would explain why you generally don't have weddings in Hawaii with 20 attendants like I've seen on the mainland. That always boggled my mind.
Actually it really isn't how expensive your wedding was, or how many attendants you had that determines the success of your marriage, but that would be a whole 'nother post.
oh both wedding photos are so perfect and beautiful Kay, you're right, cost has nothing to do with it.
ReplyDeleteWe had the wedding that we wanted. No formal clothes, just 'best', no attendants, no cars, no flowers, no photographer. We had just our close families, thirteen in all, and went out to lunch afterwards. Cost - very little as I remember, just the cost of lunch for thirteen and the champagne that we drunk. And we had a wonderful day. I often think that people really do go right over the top and spend far too much.
ReplyDeleteMy oldest was maid of honor and she had to pay for her shoes, makeup..The dress the bride picked out for her was horrid... My daughter also had to help w/the set up of the wedding...Mind u the bride was skimping down on cost... I thought it was unfair for my daughter to be expected to do manual labor especially when she was already made up... This is not the custom here believe me.. The bride's family does pay for the wedding... I think I prefer the Hawaiian custom.. As far as my daughter pay for her makeup - that should of been left up to my daughter since she could of done her own... It use to be that if the bride's maid or maid of honor paid for their dress they did not receive a gift from the bride... Nowadays its anything goes!. I know if my girls every get married I will pay for the wedding, not have the bride's maids do manual labor and make sure the makeup artist and hair stylist are to their request and not put the bill on them if they don't want an over the top makeup done.
ReplyDeleteI have never understood starting a marriage with such debt from a huge wedding. I guess lots of people feel it's important, though. I wonder how much of it is because they think they should, rather than want to. Your entire wedding looks perfect to me!
ReplyDeleteits custom here for the attendents to pay for their own as well.It never use to be this way, when we were married 28 years ago the brides family paid for it all, now its different.My daughter has been a bridesmaid 3 times and has to buy everything that was needed,, very pricey so the fouth time she was asked she had to decline, she is married with a child of her own and just can't spare 500 dollars on this event.When our daughter was mariied she made her own dress, I heped and we did most of the wedding, we paid for it all.My husband and i were raised this way so we just did.It was a costly event but beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI guess, living in the middle of the "mainland", it makes sense that I've never heard of the bride paying for all her attendant's clothes. Sounds like a nice custom, though it does put a lot of financial burden on her.
ReplyDeleteLOVE the pictures!
I sometimes wonder if the really expensive weddings help the marriage last longer or are a prediction of failure. Maybe there is no correlation, but when someone expects the day to be perfect in order to be happy, you wonder how they'll handle the next 20 years.
ReplyDeleteVery fun to see your pictures, Kay. It seems like weddings can be way over the top these days, but it is interesting to hear about how they are done in different places.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your wedding pictures Kay. Back when I got married in England the bride had to pay for her bridesmaids dresses. I was always impressed with American weddings when I used to see them on the TV, with all the bridesmaids and groomsmen they had. I didn't realize then that they had to pay for their own outfits.
ReplyDeleteLove the wedding pictures Kay!! My oldest daughter has actually had to decline being in some of her friends weddings because the cost of the dress, jewelry, shoes, etc., etc. was just too expensive for her. She was asked to be in 5 weddings one year alone!! Very costly. Like you said it doesn't matter what the cost of the wedding or how many attendants, that never makes the marriage any better.
ReplyDeleteLovely wedding photos. Art looks about the same to me, but I have only seen photos. Dianne
ReplyDeleteMy dinner reception for 30 people cost $328, my dress cost $19 from Sears, and the chapel was free. My attendants were our mothers, who bought their own clothes. We have been married 31 years.
ReplyDeleteOver here the custom is for the attendants to pay for their own gowns too. But otherwise it´s like in Hawaii, the brides parents pay for everything else.
ReplyDeleteI loved the photos of both weddings. I think both weddings look perfect. I've never really understood why some folks seem to think they must bankrupt themselves, or at least set themselves back financially, to pay for a big wedding.
ReplyDeleteMy girls have been in weddings that we quite exclusive and expensive and have always had the gowns paid for by the bride's family, or by the bride.
Since my girls always had their sisters as attendants, we naturally paid for the attendants' dresses.
You and Tif were both beautiful brides, Kay, no matter who paid for what.
ReplyDelete— K
Kay, Alberta, Canada
An Unfittie's Guide to Adventurous Travel
how fun to see your wedding photos. nowadays with divorce so prevalent it seems silly to spend so much on the wedding...
ReplyDeleteLovely wedding photos!!!! When I got married, we had a nice, rather small, but not elaborate wedding. It was really what I wanted. My son's wedding cost $30,000! I thought that wayyyyyyyyy too much but it was lovely and what Jen wanted. My daughter isn't married and I'm guessing that at 35, it isn't happening and I'm okay with that.
ReplyDeleteI love the photos, Kay.
ReplyDeleteI really like your customs much better. Can't tell you how many hideous dresses I had to pay for that were never worn again. You would think if we have to pay, we should be able to pick them out.
ReplyDeleteI think the weddings should be very simple and all the money that would have been spent would make a nice down payment on a house.
You were a lovely bride.
Oh yes, Art looked quite handsome. Poor guys are always ignored.
ReplyDeleteReally pretty wedding photo.
ReplyDeleteYes, here everyone pays for their clothes and yes, it does get expensive.
we went to the judge!
ReplyDeleteAloha from Waikiki;
Comfort Spiral
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Love the photos. Both of you were beautiful brides. Weddings should be simple, I think. Too much money is spent making a stressful day out of what should be pure heaven.
ReplyDeleteLots of attendants in out of the way places. That is what we have seen in the past few years.
ReplyDeleteNice photos. I have none to share with my children because I don't like taking pictures, don't even own a camera. I couldn't take good pictures with my first camera in the 70s (a decent camera bought in Japan to boot), so I just gave up on it entirely. But seeing all the photos on blogs makes me sad to think of the memories I left behind.
ReplyDeleteGotta note the "shaka" in your daughter's wedding picture. So cute. Jon nailed the attitude too!
L.
Yes..it can get expensive to be in a lot of weddings..I guess those people who more friends means they spend more money..ironic
ReplyDeleteWeddings are ridiculously expensive now. I think the trend to simpler weddings is growing.
ReplyDeleteI loved your and Tif's wedding photographs.
You and Art were and still are a beautiful couple! You had a lovely weddingdress.
ReplyDeleteMy wedding was different, because we had no attendants. The groom doesn't have a best man and the bride almost never bridesmaids. The bride is not given away by her father, but the groom collects her from her parental home. After the wedding in the townhall there was a short break in my mother's house( my father had died five years before), then we went to our church ceremony, and after that we had a reception for all our friends, relatives and acquaintances. Lateron in the evening we had dinner with our relatives and closest friends. Then my husband and I disappeared to go on our honeymoon for a week.