My daughter, Tiffany shared this e-mail with me that she received from a mother who wrote to tell her what her son said the night before about a bedtime story.
Wanted to pass along a funny story. Last night we read a book called Henry In Love. It is about a little boy (cat, actually) named Henry, who has a crush on a girl in his class. He thinks she's the "loveliest girl in his class." When we got to that part, Henry said, "Just like KC!"
Tiffany has worked very hard to teach KC good manners. We're very proud of the patient, consistent way that Tif has tried to instill politeness from the time KC was very, very little. KC has written thank you notes from the time she could hold a pencil even though no one could read what she wrote.
The other day, Tif says a child grabbed a toy that KC was playing with at a party. KC tried to explain that she was still playing with it and was not ready to share it just yet. The other child grabbed the toy and ran off laughing. KC was stunned and not a little upset. She was furious, but didn't go into a counter attack.
On the way home, Tif says she tried to explain that life is like that sometimes... that there are other children and adults who won't behave as you would like them to. You have to try to make your feelings known calmly, and then let it go. Tif isn't sure KC got much out of their talk on the long way home because all tuckered out in her car seat, KC fell asleep.
Letting it go is hard. I think even adults have a hard time with it. Imagine how hard it must be for kids.
Very wise. Yes, it can even make one ill. I attribute my Bell's Palsy to my falling out with a relative over her refusal to return my precious pearl necklace. How relieved I was when she finally returned it to me -- more than 7 years later -- but by then, the damage to my face already had been done.
ReplyDeletesuch a little darlin, lifes hard,,sounds to me like she has a wonderful mum teaching wonderful values,, you must be proud,,
ReplyDeleteInspiring .KC is very lucky to have a mom like Tiffany and Tiffany got it all from you .
ReplyDeleteI agree with Kavita above...Tiffany is passing on to KC the things she learned from you.
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite books years ago was "Everything I needed to know I learned in kindergarten." It made sense then and now. Looks like KC learned one of life's little lessons. I always found it hard to teach my kinds to be kind in the face of adversity. Not sure I have ever learned that lesson. Dianne
ReplyDeleteIt was definitely a teaching moment and one can hope most of it sticks. What Tiffany was trying to teach KC will make her life a lot easier if she can master it. Anger only hurts the carrier as I recently relearned.
ReplyDeleteIt won't be as hard for KC as for some others because she has been thoughtfully brought up. Nonetheless, I'm sure we have all suffered heart pangs for our small children as they receive their first knock-backs.
ReplyDeleteSo true. Even as adults we have a hard time dealing with our anger. You hear a lot of different advices given to children about what to do when someone hurts their feelings. My granddaughter told me her father said to fight back. I was shocked but didn't counter that advice because even as a grandmother I am utterly confused how to handle conflict. I was taught "cannot help" and that caused me years of grief feeling like a doormat to others. Still today I have a hard time making my feelings known verbally. I still remember what Vice President Biden said his mom told him, "don't come back home until you bloody their nose" , that advice would have certainly helped me. As I'm writing this, I think your teaching, Kay, is probably a good middle ground, make your feelings known calmly and then let it go.
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Letting go can be hard, but your life improves if you don't hold on to anger and grudges. It's just too energy sapping. I'm always amazed at people who hold old hurts in their hearts as if they treasured them. That must be a shallow, empty life they lead.
ReplyDeleteGlad Tiff is doing such a great job with KC! My ex and I never realized how polite we were until our son (the eldest) said 'thank you' when he was two when I gave him the cookie he asked before I really thought it was time to teach manners. Kids learn from our example.
ReplyDeleteAs to carrying hurts, my mother is the queen -- it's made her a sad, bitter old woman. I gave up trying to please her and so did my brother. We both keep our distance.
Oh dear, one of life's most difficult lessons! I always tell my nieces there's no point in holding onto grudges and resentments, because they do far more harm to you than to the person you resent. The bad-mannered, ill-behaved one carries on happily behaving badly, while the one who is hurt is the only one suffering. Letting go is the right answer, but it's a toughie.
ReplyDeleteI agree, you taught Tiffany well, and she is teaching KC the same things. I would venture to suggest you learned it from your mom, too, because she is a very special lady.
—Kay, Alberta, Canada
What a great observation. Those kind of reactions and priorities are learned. She's learning fast. :)
ReplyDeleteHey, "you're not them." That's pretty much self-explanatory. That's not to write off the bad experience as a mosquito bite because as we all know it, these kind of unnecessary incidents are irritating to any age (which you've noted yourself), and more than we would openly admit. I haven't quite mastered the technique yet and probably never will, but more talented people than I seem to address lingering afterthoughts with some kind of shrug it off move if you may, I'm guessing because they comprehend the concept that marginalizing a negative experience is not as if you're saying you're liking it in the same breath. I even think this social skill set should be part of the grade school curriculum. Guarding your self-esteem. Left unguarded it's seems a perishable item nowadays.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you've posted this topic because I wasn't standing in line when they were passing out aptitudes to deal with unexpected situations. For me it's a two part process, an incident that you could have done without, and some not too pleasant afterthoughts that follow in sequel. Nonetheless, no matter how well you had dealt with an intruding situation, there's always gonna be something that you coulda done better with no end to the story, and that's even after recognizing that you were caught flat footed because you were in happy mode because there were no signs of imminent threats to your self esteem bearing down on you. I mean who carries an umbrella around all day with them on a sunny day. Now, my neighbor's has no such problem. She's speaks so diminutively and is so darn polite, but if anybody ever insults her, she'll spring on the intruder with such ferocity that the bozo wished he wasn't on the same planet. Unfortunately, most people aren't blessed that way.
I admire Tif for teaching KC this important lesson. It is hard to let go and not fight back. I am proud of KC.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to explain to your child the actions of other kids and even adults. I am glad KC did not react in a bad way, I congratulate Tif for instilling good things and being patient with KC. Nice post, enjoyed reading it.
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