Here's what I remember teaching my class:
1. Cool down.
2. Ask the person you had the conflict with to the "Talk It Out" rug.
3. Give the "I" message.
Tell the person how you felt when they did the action causing you grief. It should be an "I" message, not a "You" message.
Example of wrong thing to say: "You are rotten. You were nasty to do ...."
Example of the better thing to say: "I felt really sad when we were out on the playground and you took the ball away." Then listen to what the other person says. It may have been a misunderstanding.
4. Come up with a solution so it doesn't happen again.
5. Part as friends after agreeing to what will be done next time.
I looked on line and found something from Brigham Young's Center for Conflict Resolution. And here's another site from Teacher Vision that actually gives a free lesson plan for Talk It Out Together. Both sites explain conflict resolution for children and adults very well.
Maybe you need to go to DC and teach the Republicans to play nice with the other children!
ReplyDeleteI think there are a lot of adults who need this training.great post!!
ReplyDeleteStill cracking up at Kay's comment.
ReplyDeleteYes, it should be the forth R. The way to eliminate Rage.
I think Kay may have the right idea.
ReplyDeleteLots of adults could benefit from some of this training.
I have heard this many times. It works just as well in a marriage as it does for children. Thanks for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteWe incorporated this into our schools near Ottawa, too! Right on!
ReplyDeletegood idea not just for children but spouses also...
ReplyDeleteGreat advice - for adults too!
ReplyDeleteThis could certainly apply to us adults. Thanks for sharing these great tips.
ReplyDeleteWonderful advice, and I agree, for adults as well as children.
ReplyDelete—Kay, Alberta, Canada
Kay, could you send us a big batch of Talk It Out rugs over here to the Mideast?
ReplyDeleteOh, how i wish I could resolve the conflicts with one daughter. Instead I just have to let it all go. Hugs and thanks for this.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the classroom example!! I love the "Talk it out" rug idea, since that will help me remember to do this. Too often I let conflicts brew inside and just expect the relationship to sour. I bookmarked the BYU conflict resolution page. Very helpful advice on the sidebars about forgiveness and apology. I especially took heart to this message: "If a person says or does something that we consider offensive, our first obligation is to refuse to take offense and then communicate privately, honestly, and directly with that individual."
ReplyDeleteThank you, again you are quite THE TEACHER!
L.
Wonderful! I think we as adults could use this great advice sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI don't know where my manners is, but I love Gigi Hawaii's blog too. Sorry for taking up space again.
ReplyDeleteL.
Wonderful advise, Kay! This is also what I learnt when I had joined Women for Peace:"Give I messages"
ReplyDeleteL: Gigi will be very happy to hear this. :-) Please take up as much space as you like. It's definitely unlimited.
ReplyDeleteMahalo, L.
ReplyDeleteMahalo, Kay.
Wonderful advice for everybody.
I don't think discussing methods of conflict resolution is any different than talking about glitches and issues with Blogger, if that's the right analogy. The bottom line is to make the relevant thing work smoother the way that it should.
ReplyDeleteRon: Hunh? :-)
ReplyDeleteThis is great. I agree. Send this advice to Washington ASAP.
ReplyDeleteah Kay, was too early in the A.M. I guess what I meant was that we often discuss Blogger glitches to find solutions to get the programs, software, etc, to work smoother with each other. Different people are programmed differently.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with everyone who says this should be used by adults, too. Great advice, Kay.
ReplyDeleteManzanita@Wannabuyaduck
Some adults could use this sort of time out period.
ReplyDeleteLoved your KC post yesterday, btw. I wish you had a Like button.
Ron: So true, so true... Now go get some rest!
ReplyDelete