I take it some parents are being overbearing and not allowing their children to become self-sufficient.
I found this quite interesting. I do remember how hard it was to drop my first born off at the University of Illinois. I do believe I went in with a pail and cleaning supplies and cleaned Tif's dorm room so she'd be germ free (just the first day!). I like to think I let her go without making it a big deal. She'd remember better than me. She's always been so independent that I imagine she would have chafed if we tried to do too much anyway.Jon leaving was a little easier because we'd been through it once before. However, he went farther to Delaware. I remember Jon calling to say he'd like to come back for Thanksgiving and Art asked me why. He was surprised that Jon would want to come back. And yet, in the end, Jon was the one to cut apron strings faster and with more resolve traveling much farther, striking out on his own path.
Art left home after high school for Bradley University in Illinois. He never went home to the Big Island. There just wasn't enough money. He worked at the university in the summer and picked up more courses.
I went to the University of Hawaii, but I don't remember going home much. I stayed at the dorm and eventually, an apartment close by. There were no computers back then for e-mails. It was either a phone call or letter. In Art's case, a phone call would have been very expensive. In my case, my parents expected me to be grown up by the time I graduated from high school. It was a whole different mind set.
I suppose technology must make it even more difficult to separate from your children. It's something to think about.
Hmmm... I haven't heard from Tif in a couple of days. I need to send her an e-mail... or maybe Skype.
I agree with you in all that you wrote about. Having one son, dropping him off was tough, and he became independant relatively fast!! Technology has changed everything...I don't know whether or not it helps us or hinders us. I always enjoy reading your blog, Kay. Thanks for the fun.
ReplyDeletemost of the "technology" was invented by students while they were away in college. Imagine if they had stayed home.
ReplyDeleteI didn't read that article in the Star Advertiser. As for independence, my 2 daughters have always been that way.
ReplyDeleteMaria paid for her own 6 week study at a university in Korea, then after graduating from UHM, she lived in Berkeley for a year.
Lisa paid for her 3 week tour of Europe, and other trips to Canada, Colorado, and Utah.
Both kids have a mind of their own. Sometimes, I wish I had more control over them, but I don't!
Kay I love the part where you cleaned Tif's dorm room, because I'm planning to do the same thing! lol.
ReplyDeleteInteresting post about leaving the children at the university to sink or swim. lol
ReplyDeleteNot that dramatic but parents have the same problems, or my Patty did, in dropping the kids off at their first day of school. Chris, our son, yelled, screamed and cried and chased his mother down the street wanting her to stop and let him back in. How Patty ever got through that without stopping and letting him back in the car is a mystery.
When I went to university in Utrecht, my father didn't want me to move into digs. It was too expensive, besides it was within easy reach from my hometown by train. Sometimes I even went by bike. That took me an hour. My parents never meddled in my study. They were happy enough that I had good grades. I did the same with my children. Only my son, who was at a junior secondary technical school, was dyslectic and couldn't read all the stuff about technical things, so I learnt his stuff,wrote it down in easier language and explained to him how an engine works( I forgot it immediately after explaining). Well it's easier to let children find their own way. I think you did very well! This is a great post! Have a great week, Kay!
ReplyDeleteah the empty nest syndrome-I'm just writing about that now for future articles for my column. Part of parental growing up. Now I get to watch my children and grand children deal with it. Fun! Interesting post.
ReplyDeleteVery timely post, Kay! Many parents will be experiencing the knot in the stomach as they help their children pack for university.
ReplyDeleteI think if parents have the mindset to raise their kids so the kids eventually don't "need" them, then we've succeded. The existing technology is nice, so we're reassured a kid could reach us if needed, but if they've had to call a parent to make every decision, that's not the available technology's fault. Raise them to "not need you." Then they can fly on their own quite well. DrumMajor
ReplyDeleteI've heard of one set of overbearing, conservative Kansas parents who stayed in their daughter's first dorm room until 11 p.m. trying to put restrictions on her college computer! Another told me she folded her son's clothes and put them in the drawers before she left him! Hoo Boy! Not me...DrumMajor
ReplyDeleteMy mother-in-law says that the small plants under a huge tree don't grow tall because they don't get enough of sunshine they need to grow. I try to follow her advice .
ReplyDeleteI used to be over protective before.
I do remember dropping Megan, our oldest daughter, off at college. It was a little hard and there were a few tears shed from both her and I. She was 4 hrs. away from home and came home occasionally but she really loved Massachusetts and loved all the seasons. I do feel it is important for our kids to grow up and learn to be independent. I guess letting go isn't for everyone but I do feel the child becomes a more well-rounded adult.
ReplyDeleteYou are wonderful. :)
ReplyDeleteYou raise an interesting point about modern technology keeping us more aware of what our kids are doing. I joined Facebook for that reason - to keep up with my kids. My parents had very little knowledge of my doings when I went away for college. I did come home for summers, to work, but it got harder and harder for me to put up with being home. I never really thought about my parents missing me. There were still five kids at home. Many years later my dad told me not a day went by that he didn't think of me back then. I was surprised. But now that I'm a parent I understand.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I could hardly wait to leave our families, because our parents were arbitrary and authoritarian. We could easily support ourselves and enjoyed our freedom from parental control.
ReplyDeleteWe moved to Europe and were gone for years, getting back to visit only occasionally.
But then we ended up with my husband's mother living next door to us here in Hawaii in the last years of her life.
Go figure.
My husband was telling me about an article he read...that wasn't us..we dropped the kid off...and were on our way..I did cry a little on the way home...
ReplyDelete