Funerals Here and There

We attended the funeral of his classmate yesterday afternoon. This is the long ago friend who passed away suddenly while Art and his classmates all gathered around him.

I was one of the few spouses who attended with the group of Honokaa classmates. I had several observations.

They were a truly warm and friendly group. Art thought maybe it's because they all grew up in a small town where everybody tended to know each other. I was surprised to learn that one of Art's classmates taught at my high school around my younger brother's time. It's even more surprising that so many of them now live in our neighborhood, considering they're from the Big Island.

Their late friend's widow stopped by and let them know how much she appreciated their coming and how special it was for her husband to pass away while he was in the warm and loving company of his childhood friends. She was grateful that they were there to help and support her at the time also.

I loved meeting all of Art's childhood friends. They told me he was a "good boy" growing up. How bad could he be since they trusted him to be the class treasurer? What I loved most was their inviting me into their happy group and letting me know that they expected me to join their next regular get-together.

Another observation I made was the big difference in Hawaii versus Mainland funerals. On the mainland, when someone passes away everybody brings flowers and food to the house. Cards are sent. There is a visitation and funeral where people pay their respects and do their best to bring solace to the family.

In Hawaii, there is the same visitation and funeral. However, after the funeral there is a huge, incredible buffet. Huge. Last nights' dinner buffet was amazing! There were so much leftovers that their friend's widow insisted we all bring food home. Another Hawaii difference is we all enclose money with our sympathy cards. It stems from the Japanese custom of giving "koden" which is money given at funerals. It's supposed to help with funeral expenses. (Have you seen how much those wreaths cost?) The funerals are also times for family and friends who haven't seen each other in a long time to get together.

Maybe that isn't so different from the Mainland.

The pastor said that funerals are for the living, not really for the person who is no longer there.

I think it's true.