Art found a card, passed it out to have everybody write a message, and drove them all to the other side of the island for their somber visit.I was outside painting the shelves for the carport tool closet when Art returned. When he stepped out of the car, Art looked dazed and tired. He sat down heavily on a chair to tell me what happened.
The five friends had arrived for the visit. Their classmate's wife decided to stay home from work since they were all coming. The hour long visit was warm and happy. Despite a look of weariness, they could all see that their friend understood their conversation and was delighting in it. They spoke of the warm Honokaa days when life was full of fun and laughter.
Nearly lunch time they said they would have to leave. They stepped out of the room while the hospice helper and wife came to tend to their friend. Suddenly there was a cry for help. The five friends dashed in to find that their friend had stopped breathing. They helped to move him to the floor where CPR could be performed. Then with all these old school friends together, their friend died. They couldn't believe it. Their friend had died, and they felt helpless. 911 was not called because there was already a no-resuscitation family decision in effect.
Death had come unexpectedly; it was real and right before them.
It had been a rather bad morning for me. I'd been dealing with a lot of legal issues for the sale and transfer of our house from my mother to us, as well as getting ourselves organized for our trip to Maui and trying to finish my painting project.
Now, in perspective, my crazy morning was nothing. The unexpected loss of their classmate was painful, shocking and sad, but the friends were glad they could be there. They had lunch afterwards to just be together.
Art and I are finding our time even more precious. Death isn't on another street. It's not in another town or with an older generation. It's here and it could come at anytime. We need to appreciate each moment we have together before it comes to visit us.
Baruch dayan emet. [the blessing you must say on hearing sad news, Blessed is the righteous Judge.]
ReplyDeletePoor Art. What a shock. But the man was lucky to go while still in the good mood bestowed by the presence of his old friends.
It is a blessing to die surrounded by family and/or friends.
I have never seen anyone die.
Your concluding paragraph is a good lesson. (It is also sort of how we fell all the time here in Israel.)
For me, this incident would also have been a warning against procrastination. If I have a sick friend, I should visit them NOW or write or call and proclaim my love NOW, not after it is too late.
How wonderful to live where you still have classmates nearby.
Live long and well, dear Art and Kay.
My heart hurts for you and Art and for the loss of his friend. I've tried to remind myself everyday, after the death of my cousin in Texas in April, to make the most of each and every day, to take nothing for granted, and to never fail to let my loved ones and friends know how much they are loved and appreciated. I was so very glad that I had been able to go to Houston last summer to be with those remaining members of my family. And as my 77th birthday approaches, I realize the importance of those connections even more. My heart goes out to you and to Art. And like Dina wrote, may you both live long and well, my dear friends.
ReplyDeleteSylvia
I´m so sorry! I know that must have been a tough thing to witness. But I´m glad he was there to give comfort to his friend in his last hours. That is a consolation.
ReplyDeleteSorrow brings pain, and pain teaches us lessons. I'll take your lesson to heart as I prepare for the return visit of my family. Don't fuss over small things. Just enjoy each other. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteYour attitude and comments are right on. Every day and every minute is precious.
ReplyDeletetreasure our moments together with our loved ones n friends.
ReplyDeleteI agree with all of the above comments. So many of us wait til the funeral to say good-bye to loved ones. Why wait? Visit them while they are still alive!
ReplyDeleteYour post hit me so hard I had to walk away from it for a few hours before responding.
ReplyDeleteHow ironic the friend died just minutes after the visit from Art and the four others. How shocking to Art and the four others. I can't imagine how hard this must have hit the five old friends.
Your point is so valuable, Kay.
Oh my heart went out to Art and his friends! Prayers for them all!
ReplyDeleteHospice is wonderful and how special that he got to pass with his wife and old friends near by....Michelle
ReplyDeleteIt must have been hard for Art and all the friends, but what a wonderful blessing for the friend who passed away -- I hope I'm enjoying happy memories and good friends when my time comees.
ReplyDeleteYou're so right about perspective. No matter how bad our day gets, someone else's, somewhere, is much worse. We're all blessed in some way.
Good luck getting ready for Maui!
what a sweet story of love and compassion that art and his friends paid a very timely visit to their school friend and shared memories. Much better than just coming to a funeral and wishing they had taken the time to visit him.
ReplyDeleteWhat a story. I send my condolences to Art and his friends, the wife and you. I was there when my mother passed and it is a very strange experience. Take care.
ReplyDeleteKay, my heart is with Art and his friends. Your message in this post is a good one and should be heeded by everyone who reads it no matter what their age. My college roommate died of renal failure while we were still in college. Death comes in its time, not ours.
ReplyDeleteDear Kay -- I just happened to decide to check out your blog from Gigi's. Even in the world of hospice care, Art's visit to his friend is actually amazing. So many hospice patients are waiting for "something" before they are given unspoken, or spoken, "permisson" to "let go." Some hospice patients go in and out of lucidity with no apparent medical reason. Try to help Art see that his being present around such a time was an honor, and an unspoken joy that his friend appreciates. We nurses and hospice folks see it all the time, and can guide survivors through such an event. Usually there is a written "Do not resusitate" order from the doctor to prevent CPR from being performed. Very few hospice patients are still "Full Codes," to be resusitated no matter what. If his friend wanted to expire without all of the heroic measures (being "coded" with pushes on the chest and "zapping" from the paddles is NOT pleasant, and causes broken ribs in fragile patients.) I'm glad 911 was not called, because that was not what was wanted.
ReplyDeleteI find it just amazing the number of times I've seen out-of-town relatives or friends come by and visit a lucid patient, and then the patient expires within 2-3 hours. The man knew he had good long-time buddies.
In reflection, do you and your individual family members have your own "Durable power of attorney for health care" and "Advance directives" done? It's a good gift for such to be done ahead of a medical crisis, as your family will know what you would want done or not done. I also worry about the "medical Mack truck" changing anyone's life in a quick way.
Blessings to you and Art. His friend has true angels still on earth.
DrumMajor